Today, I want to tell a story of mine. I never share this with anyone before, except my mother. I just lost my beloved grandfather. The great man and grandfather to me and my sister, Fayna. It’s already 40 days after he passed away, but I still can feel him around us. Sometimes I couldn’t accept the fact that he’s not with us anymore. To forget about this painful, I’d pushed myself to work into exhaustion. It seems that my life had collapsed around me. My relationships with my other cousins and friends were in turmoil. It might be affected by the big lost of my late grandfather. I’ve been so closed with him. For all this while, I’ve grown up to witness his happiness, sadness, loneliness, and struggle to survive. He taught me to be strong and never let anyone to control my life and destiny.
He’s the one who brought me to the barbershop and old town of Sri Aman to get my dream toys when I was small. When I went back to ‘kampung’, he always bought me a great ‘kuih’ and local cuisines for my breakfast. With his old bicycle, he left the house early in the morning in his favourite white pants and cotton shirt. Those pictures still in my mind untill now. I tried hard to forget it and to let it go, but couldn’t at all. He once said to me, ‘Whoever you will become one day, never forget your root and always being humble. There will some people will hurt you and try to push you down, but you have to keep in faith and never look back. Always believe that God will be with you and shines you the light in the end of the dark way.’ Till now, I still remember what he said to me long time ago. People always say that, when we lost someone you will need time to heal even recover from the pain. Yet, I’m not agree with that. It become harder for me and tougher for me to get rid all of those memories.
My late grandfather had taught me, never look messy and old-fashioned even though you are not in a good condition or facing a problem. Never let people know what you feel and have inside, and never show the gloom and sorrow that you are facing off. He also mentioned, try to look good and do not let your problem take over your day and life. Life is so short. There is still a way to find a brighter side. He had advised me to dress up nicely and know how to pick a good cloth. Throughout my observation, when I looked the way he dressed up, I knew I should take a good lesson from him. With a good quality of leather shoes, imported watches, well-tailored pants and shirts, a fresh and nice scent of fragrances, it taught how important to look nice and take care of ourselves. It’s all about personality, self-confidence and a good impression. I never forget how angry he was at me, when he found out I didn’t wear ‘samping’ for Raya pray last few years. He stressed out to appreciate our heritage tradition moreover our culture. Till now, I kept his principles in my personal thought. One thing I realized, he never raised his voice to me and my sister but not to my other cousins. According to our relatives and his friends, he was a very strict and fierce man when he was young. He was been known as a helpful man and perfectionist leader. Now I know, where did I inherence it from. He loved to read newspapers, journal and books. His passion was politics issues and had a good relation even connection with lots of Sarawak’s ministers and politicians. Some of them are his good friends and relatives. I can see his interest in politics when he discussed the matter with his good friends. He was so enthusiasm with it. He always encouraged me and my sister to read a lots and never give up in pursuing our study to higher level. I won’t forget it, never.
Few days after the funeral, I went to his house. Opened his closet, I looked at his collection of wardrobes, made me wonder how well he managed to take care of all his belongings. But, what made me cried on that day, I saw a new ‘ baju melayu’ that still hang in the cupboard. I remembered, the sky blue satin cloth was given by me just before he fall sick. He said he will wear it for this year coming Raya eve. It seems he couldn’t make it for this time. Every ‘raya’ morning, he always to wake me up and get ready to go to the mosque. Without I realized, I sat on the floor next to his bed and cried like a baby. I felt so sorry for him, so sad and devastated. Now, I know how much I miss him and need him to be with us again. He put nicely all the shirts and pants that I bought for him. Even the sandals that I gave to him for last ‘Raya’, he kept it well in his cupboard. I touched it and made me felt that he’s still around. When I cleaned up his bedroom, I found a picture of me and my sister with him and our late grandmother. I showed it to my sister, then, we cried together. We felt that how much he loved both of us and missed us while we were away from him. I’m so appreciated with all his love, care, concern and thought to us. Before he died, he kept calling my name and did not want to be apart from my sister. That was make me feel more so down and frustrated for not making to meet him at his last moment. We been informed by the elders, that he’s not that well and not living that long, but I never expected this happened so soon.
This thing happened few years back, when I told him that I’ve been posted to Bintulu to work as a teacher. At first, he wasn’t that agree so did my parents as well. I still remember, before I left to Bintulu, he always dropped by to our new house and reminded me to take care of myself even he taught me few ‘doa’ in order to protect myself. I knew, he just worried because I will being away again from my family. The day I left, again, he bought me some ‘kuih’ for my breakfast and asked me to eat it. How grateful and touched I felt that time. But now, it’s gone and never happen again. Every time, when I back to Bintulu, early in the morning he will come to our house and walked me to my car. As usual, before I begin my way back to Bintulu, he said to drive safely and take a rest if I got tired of a long journey driving. Now, I will not see it again even I will miss all those things. Of course I will feel empty and searching for him for no reason. Maybe I get used to be around with him, but now he’s gone and leaving us forever. His memories still with us, with his spirit we try to move on our life, no matter how hard it is. As he said before he closed his eyes, “Orang yang tidak mengenang jangan dikenang, walaupun setiap masa kita mengenang”. Till now, we still try to figure out what he meant. My mom told me, while he said that, his tears dropped by and deeply looked at my mother. I’m sure, he had something that he had kept for such a long time. Let it go with his soul and memory. With my pray, I hope he will be fine and live peacefully up there. How hard I try to adapt living without him, I’m sure he must be around us even I couldn’t see him. I can feel his presence and his spirit with me.
To my dear family and friends, take this a good lesson for us. Appreciate what we have and never push away our family. Once they are gone, we couldn’t return them back to us. Even though I didn’t have any critical issues with my late grandfather, I just didn’t spend so much time with him. I know, he had such a hard life before even since he was kid but he never showed it to us. How strong he was and brave man he became. I will always love you ‘Paknek’ and of course I will always miss you as how I feel the same way with ‘Maknek’. May Allah bless both of you…Amin.
p/s In paying a respect to him, please do recite ‘Al-Fatihah’ for him. I do appreciate your pray. Thank you.
He’s the one who brought me to the barbershop and old town of Sri Aman to get my dream toys when I was small. When I went back to ‘kampung’, he always bought me a great ‘kuih’ and local cuisines for my breakfast. With his old bicycle, he left the house early in the morning in his favourite white pants and cotton shirt. Those pictures still in my mind untill now. I tried hard to forget it and to let it go, but couldn’t at all. He once said to me, ‘Whoever you will become one day, never forget your root and always being humble. There will some people will hurt you and try to push you down, but you have to keep in faith and never look back. Always believe that God will be with you and shines you the light in the end of the dark way.’ Till now, I still remember what he said to me long time ago. People always say that, when we lost someone you will need time to heal even recover from the pain. Yet, I’m not agree with that. It become harder for me and tougher for me to get rid all of those memories.
My late grandfather had taught me, never look messy and old-fashioned even though you are not in a good condition or facing a problem. Never let people know what you feel and have inside, and never show the gloom and sorrow that you are facing off. He also mentioned, try to look good and do not let your problem take over your day and life. Life is so short. There is still a way to find a brighter side. He had advised me to dress up nicely and know how to pick a good cloth. Throughout my observation, when I looked the way he dressed up, I knew I should take a good lesson from him. With a good quality of leather shoes, imported watches, well-tailored pants and shirts, a fresh and nice scent of fragrances, it taught how important to look nice and take care of ourselves. It’s all about personality, self-confidence and a good impression. I never forget how angry he was at me, when he found out I didn’t wear ‘samping’ for Raya pray last few years. He stressed out to appreciate our heritage tradition moreover our culture. Till now, I kept his principles in my personal thought. One thing I realized, he never raised his voice to me and my sister but not to my other cousins. According to our relatives and his friends, he was a very strict and fierce man when he was young. He was been known as a helpful man and perfectionist leader. Now I know, where did I inherence it from. He loved to read newspapers, journal and books. His passion was politics issues and had a good relation even connection with lots of Sarawak’s ministers and politicians. Some of them are his good friends and relatives. I can see his interest in politics when he discussed the matter with his good friends. He was so enthusiasm with it. He always encouraged me and my sister to read a lots and never give up in pursuing our study to higher level. I won’t forget it, never.
Few days after the funeral, I went to his house. Opened his closet, I looked at his collection of wardrobes, made me wonder how well he managed to take care of all his belongings. But, what made me cried on that day, I saw a new ‘ baju melayu’ that still hang in the cupboard. I remembered, the sky blue satin cloth was given by me just before he fall sick. He said he will wear it for this year coming Raya eve. It seems he couldn’t make it for this time. Every ‘raya’ morning, he always to wake me up and get ready to go to the mosque. Without I realized, I sat on the floor next to his bed and cried like a baby. I felt so sorry for him, so sad and devastated. Now, I know how much I miss him and need him to be with us again. He put nicely all the shirts and pants that I bought for him. Even the sandals that I gave to him for last ‘Raya’, he kept it well in his cupboard. I touched it and made me felt that he’s still around. When I cleaned up his bedroom, I found a picture of me and my sister with him and our late grandmother. I showed it to my sister, then, we cried together. We felt that how much he loved both of us and missed us while we were away from him. I’m so appreciated with all his love, care, concern and thought to us. Before he died, he kept calling my name and did not want to be apart from my sister. That was make me feel more so down and frustrated for not making to meet him at his last moment. We been informed by the elders, that he’s not that well and not living that long, but I never expected this happened so soon.
This thing happened few years back, when I told him that I’ve been posted to Bintulu to work as a teacher. At first, he wasn’t that agree so did my parents as well. I still remember, before I left to Bintulu, he always dropped by to our new house and reminded me to take care of myself even he taught me few ‘doa’ in order to protect myself. I knew, he just worried because I will being away again from my family. The day I left, again, he bought me some ‘kuih’ for my breakfast and asked me to eat it. How grateful and touched I felt that time. But now, it’s gone and never happen again. Every time, when I back to Bintulu, early in the morning he will come to our house and walked me to my car. As usual, before I begin my way back to Bintulu, he said to drive safely and take a rest if I got tired of a long journey driving. Now, I will not see it again even I will miss all those things. Of course I will feel empty and searching for him for no reason. Maybe I get used to be around with him, but now he’s gone and leaving us forever. His memories still with us, with his spirit we try to move on our life, no matter how hard it is. As he said before he closed his eyes, “Orang yang tidak mengenang jangan dikenang, walaupun setiap masa kita mengenang”. Till now, we still try to figure out what he meant. My mom told me, while he said that, his tears dropped by and deeply looked at my mother. I’m sure, he had something that he had kept for such a long time. Let it go with his soul and memory. With my pray, I hope he will be fine and live peacefully up there. How hard I try to adapt living without him, I’m sure he must be around us even I couldn’t see him. I can feel his presence and his spirit with me.
To my dear family and friends, take this a good lesson for us. Appreciate what we have and never push away our family. Once they are gone, we couldn’t return them back to us. Even though I didn’t have any critical issues with my late grandfather, I just didn’t spend so much time with him. I know, he had such a hard life before even since he was kid but he never showed it to us. How strong he was and brave man he became. I will always love you ‘Paknek’ and of course I will always miss you as how I feel the same way with ‘Maknek’. May Allah bless both of you…Amin.
p/s In paying a respect to him, please do recite ‘Al-Fatihah’ for him. I do appreciate your pray. Thank you.
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